Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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