Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal