can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey