My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip