So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...