i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
