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Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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