you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.