did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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