I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
