I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
