Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
