I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
