omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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