You're so nebulous sometimes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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