Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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