Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
