I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I could fuck to npr.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
