NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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