I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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