I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
