Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
