Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
