so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
