i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
