shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
