if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i think im in europe. pls send help
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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