I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
