Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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