you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
