I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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