It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
