Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
