I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
