Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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