Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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