I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
