We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
