trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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