i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
