Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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