I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
