I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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