bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
