i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
