i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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