the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
