Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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