Non-Jews are for practice
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
