i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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