ya dads aren't the best wingmen
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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