Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
