Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
