the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
