Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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