whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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