Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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