I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
