I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We need to get me chipped asap
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
