dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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