How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
