i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
