Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
