somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
