i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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