at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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