could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
