So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
