worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
