I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
