soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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