I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
