The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
