Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
