then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
